I went to the psychiatrists  today. She talked to me about my anxiety. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. She has a dog, a Pomeranian, who also was treated for anxiety by the vet. It was a cute dog. I was really nervous all day yesterday, and I got into another fight with my dad because I was on edge. I regret it, but I haven't apologized. My pride sometimes makes it physically painful to apologize to people when I know I'm wrong. I'm now sitting in the library, listening to the Killers, and doing driver's ed. I'm scheduled to go back soon. I'm praying that it helps. I'm praying that my anxiety gets better. She gave me some reading to do to educate myself on my issues, and I'm going to read it. If any of you have dealt with anxiety disorders or therapists, advise would be nice.

Killjoys, make some noise.

Last night, I talked to my mom about my anxiety. This might not seem like much, but it's taken a lot to open up to her about what's going on in my head. She said she's noticed that she's noticed that I've been getting "bad," just based on the hints I'd been giving her. She has talked to my dad about me seeing a doctor, and he thinks I need to talk to my priest, outside of confession (I'm Orthodox, for those who don't know). I've talked to Father about it, and I've taken his advice and prayed about it, and it has helped. My mother thinks I need to talk to a doctor, and I agree. However, I'm hesitant. I afraid that they will have me shove my face full of pills instead of actually fixing the problem. I'm also afraid that I don't actually have a problem and it's just my hormones being shitheads, My mom said that she understands, but she thinks I still need to talk to a doctor. What do you think I should do? I need help.

Hey everyone! I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated in almost a year. My laptop broke and I hated the format of this website on my phone. But I'm back now, so yay!

Life has been very hectic the last couple months. First, I went out on my first date, which was absolutely amazing. We went to see X-Men: Apocalypse, and then we went and got dinner. The rest of the summer was good. After the beginning of the school year, stuff kinda went down hill for awhile. My good friend got a new girlfriend, and that was good, but a lot of drama happened and then they broke up. After that, his depression got worse and worse and worse until he was finally put on observation at a hospital here in town. He was gone for about a week, and then he came back. He was on meds, and he was better, not perfect, but better, for awhile. Then it got really bad again and attempted suicide. I didn't know where he was, if he was okay, or anything. I was terrified that he was dead and I hadn't been there to help. I found out that he is okay and doing residential treatment in OKC. That was the best news I had in awhile. I've been praying for him and thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.
It was a rough couple weeks, especially with school and stuff. This week was the best week I've had in a very, very long time. Friday, I went out with three of my favorite people, then Saturday I hung out with my best friend, Sparrow, all day. I also found out that she was asked out by someone she has liked for a very long time. It made me over the moon happy because, A) I was right, B) she is over the moon happy, and C) the boy who asked her out is another good friend of mine, and he's happy. There are a couple things I'm worried about though. First, I'm worried that Sparrow will get hurt, and as often as I tell this boy to fight me, I don't actually want to hurt him. Second of all, as childish and selfish as it might seem, I'm scared I'll be gradually replaced. It's stupid and selfish, I know that, but it's one of my greatest fears. I don't want to be replaced and I don't want either of them to get hurt. Well, things will happen as they will. All I can do is pray and trust Sparrow. With that, I bid you adieu.

Killjoys, make some noise.

       Konichiwa mina! I'm sorry for being gone for so long, not that any of you actually care, but, hey, something to pass the time, right? I've felt kinda like shit the past few days. My anxiety has be kicking my ass. I've felt like a useless, pointless blob of existence for which no one actually cares about and wishes would leave. I have a feeling that I tried to tell the boy I'm in love with that I'm in love with him, but, being my best friend, and a fantastic one at that, Sparrow-chan didn't let me. So, for some reason, my brain has been going in and out of this state of mind that I'm a worthless piece of shit who shouldn't exist. But, still, I won't be making very many blog posts because my laptop's broken. (I'm using my sister's for this. She doesn't know.) Any questions, concerns, comments, anything at all, please leave in the comments and I'll get back to you ASAP. Bye-bye!

      Okay, before you go any further in this post, I want you to understand that this is MY opinion and it is MY right to voice it. I AM NOT, I REPEAT, I AM NOT BASHING ANYONE! DO NOT MISINTERPRET MY WORDS!

     I am an Orthodox Christian, and as an Orthodox Christian, I hold certain beliefs about things. One particular thing, is abortion. I think it is murder. It is murder of another human being. Do not pull that "My body, my choice" stuff. It's NOT your body, it is another human being's body.

     And the whole idea it's okay to abort a baby if it's an unwanted term. Hey guys, if you don't want a baby, DON'T HAVE SEX! Abstinence is always the best policy.

     Now, if this offends you, I'm sorry. But it's my opinion. Now, bye-bye!

              Konichiwa mina! I just wanted to check in, make sure everyone's not dead. Tomorrow's President's Day! Ah yes, the day we get to celebrate the leaders of America who made it get progressively worse. Yaaaaaaaaay... Anywho, if there's anything you have questions about, or need to ask, or want me to cover, please tell me! Welp, bye!

                  Konichiwa mina! How are you all! Sorry I've been gone for so long, I've been really busy. But I thought of something I want to share.

                  I am a woman. A strait, white, cisgender, Christian women. What this amounts to basically, according to society, I'm not allowed to be proud of who I am. So what if I'm attracted to the opposite gender? So what if I identify as what I was borne as? I am part of a majority, that much I understand, but it really ticks me off when I try to be proud of myself, but I get call a racist, or some other name because I am part of a majority. 

                   I'll stand up for everyone, but those people who think because they're part of a minority, they are better than I am. On another note, yes, black lives matter. But so do white, Mexican, Indian, and any other person. All lives matter, including us in this majority. 

                   If this post offends you, I don't care, you can get off my blog, but I'm proud of who I am. And I am a strait, white, cisgender, Christian women, and I am aloud to be proud.