Konichiwa mina! How are you all! Sorry I've been gone for so long, I've been really busy. But I thought of something I want to share.

                  I am a woman. A strait, white, cisgender, Christian women. What this amounts to basically, according to society, I'm not allowed to be proud of who I am. So what if I'm attracted to the opposite gender? So what if I identify as what I was borne as? I am part of a majority, that much I understand, but it really ticks me off when I try to be proud of myself, but I get call a racist, or some other name because I am part of a majority. 

                   I'll stand up for everyone, but those people who think because they're part of a minority, they are better than I am. On another note, yes, black lives matter. But so do white, Mexican, Indian, and any other person. All lives matter, including us in this majority. 

                   If this post offends you, I don't care, you can get off my blog, but I'm proud of who I am. And I am a strait, white, cisgender, Christian women, and I am aloud to be proud.

                     Konichiwa everyone! I'm back after such a long absence. Gomenosie!


So, in my Human Geography class, we were discussing the idea of Seiran refugees coming to the United States and I, hating that class as much as I do, sat there, brooding, and thinking. Thus I realized something. The human race is selfish. We are revolted by the idea of helping those in need and we don't care. We don't give a damn. I hate it. I hate the fact that we can't see past our differences. To paraphrase Black Butler, "Nationality is irrelevant. All people, times and places are the same at some point or another." I'm sorry, please forgive me.

              Hey there guys! Sorry it's been so long, but, here I am! I still exist! I haven't died! Haha! Surprise! Um, happy Labor Day! How is everyone? You all doing okay? Is there anything you would like for me to cover? Any ideas? Any at all? Please don't be shy, tell me if you want me to cover anything or want me to give my opinion on something, or if you want me to post anything. I love all of you so, so, so much. All righty then, bye bye! *anime smile*

                   Hey guys! (Insert anime smile) So, I was digging through some of my old journals and I found a poem that I wrote and I realized just how dark my poetry can get. WARNING: COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOU CRY!

DESPAIR

Despair

Hatred

Anger

All of them cramp my heart
They set up camp and do not leave
Until they fade
They fade not
In this time
And refuse to go
I try to force them
But they stay
Like a permanent fixture
That will not shatter
The only thing that holds me up
A pillar
Some might say
Is the love I feel
For you
For her
For all
All but this horrible dark
Unending night
With no moon to light it
You are a candle
That lights my darkest night
Occasionally you dim
But you don't go out

                   



                       Hey guys, I apparently just hit 104 views. I really appreciate it. I hope that you all enjoy this blog and everything. I don't know 3/4 of you guys more than likely, but I respect you, simply because you have put up with me so far. I feel like I am wasting you guy's time, so forgive me if I have hurt you in any way, shape, or form.

             Konichiwa Mina! (Hello everyone!) So, I have been kinda bored and lonely lately, so I have taken to making up scenarios in my head, and I realized, laying in bed last night, that I expect to much of people. I have an honest question for those of you who know me personally, or for those of you who just read this, or know me online. Am I a demanding, pushy, annoying bitch?

            I am often left out of activities with my friends, and it is either because I am annoying, or they just don't see how much I want to be included. I have gotten used to it, mostly because I'm not exactly the most persuasive person, but I feel like I am demanding.

                                        Sorry if this just sounds like angst, or whining, but I feel angsty and my dad gets pissed when I take it out on him, so, forgive me.

             Things like true love, and love at first sight, and soul mates only exist in fairy tales and story books. Now, if you are four, then these things are real to you, just like the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.

             Love doesn't happen at first sight. Love happens over time and some times you don't even realize it. For me, love has been like a disease. A slow, painful one that will probably kill me in the end but I don't want to loose it.

             It hit me slowly, and then ripped my arm off and proceeded to beat me with it. This feeling has been tearing me apart for a little over a year and a half now. I've learned to live with it, but every time I think about it, I feel the pain of loving someone who doesn't love me.

             Another reason it hurts so bad is someone very close to me feels the same way. I don't know how to deal with this.

              The point of this whole blog is to help people by giving them advice or what ever, but I am asking for your help. If any of you know what I should do, then, please share.

            Today is a very special day for me and other members of the BVB(Black Veil Brides) Army. It is international Black Veil Brides Day, the day the video of Knives and Pens came out and BVB became famous.

             One song I heard recently hit home. Really fucking hard. Savior.

I never meant to be the one
Who kept you from the dark
But now I know my wounds are sewn
Because of who you are
I will take this burden on
And become the holy one
But remember I am human
And I'm bound to sing this song

So hear my voice remind you not to bleed
I'm here,

Saviour will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A saviour for all that you do
So you live freely without their harm

So here I write my lullaby
To all the lonely ones
Remember as you learn to try
To be the one you love
So I can take this pen
And teach you how to live
What is left unsaid
The greatest gift I give

So hear my voice remind you not to bleed
I'm here,

Saviour will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A saviour for all that you do
So you live freely without their harm

[Violin solo]

Saviour will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A saviour for all that you do
So you live freely without their harm

When I hear your cries
Praying for light
I will be there

When I hear your cries
Praying for life
I will be there

I will fight!
I will always be there!

I will fight!

Yeah!

         I cried because the lyrics of this song tell me that some one will be there when I feel alone, one of the things I fear. I am sorry that I post about them so much, but Black Veil Brides means so much to me and so many others.

                    "I'm not the messiah and I can't heal a broken home but I'll give you my life and my pride                       to live through tonight."                                  - Black Veil Brides "Crown Of Thorns"

        These words were sung by Black Veil Brides, a popular metal band and one of my favorites. I read these words and smiled. I realized that these lyrics probably saved a lot of lives. BVB and many other bands such as Fall Out Boy, Sleeping With Sirens and, Bring Me The Horizon, among others have done the same thing.

         Now, I am not one of those people, but I have an undying admiration for the bands and people who can make such and impact on other's lives. Music comes in many forms, as does the message, but the way it makes people feel doesn't. The art of music is a great thing that has changed many lives including myself. Music has molded me into the person I am today. From the hymns we sing in the Orthodox Church, to the music my friends play on the piano and recorders, to the music I listen to in my free time. 

         People have different music tastes and that, sometimes, reflects in their style of dress. Now, this isn't the case for some, but for others, music and style are one in the same. For me, I just dress as comfortably while still trying to stay true to the emo-punk style I love and admire. I convinced my parents to let me put blue streaks in my hair for the summer because it fits the ascetic that is pleasing to me. 

        Thus, I end this post with some words of wisdom sung to me by My Chemical Romance: "The world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me."

"She Had The World"

She held the world upon a string
But she didn't ever hold me
Spun the stars on her fingernails
But it never made her happy
Cause she couldn't ever have me
She said she'd won the world at a carnival
But she could never win me
Cause she couldn't ever catch me

I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes
I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well I, just see the sky

I don’t love you I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me?
I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream

The sun was always in her eyes
She didn't even see me
But that girl had so much love
she'd wanna kiss you all the time
Yeah, she'd wanna kiss you all the time

She said she won the world at a carnival
But I'm sure I didn’t ruin her
Just made her more interesting
I'm sure I didn’t ruin her
Just made her more interesting

I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes
I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well I, I just see the sky

I don’t love you I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me?
I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream

           I love this band. Panic! At The Disco has some of the greatest lyrics I have ever heard. Pretty Odd is one of my favorite albums and you should definitely check them out. Sorry that this doesn't have very much depth, just thought I would share this with you! I got the lyrics off of HERE. Thank you all for reading! I really am surprised it has gotten such good reception. Don't forget to comment and do all of the things that you can do on here. Love all you guys!

          On my way to my grandparents, we past through platues, tall, steep, red, Oklahoma platues, and I realized what I want to do with my life besides writing. I want to go on adventures. I want to hike the tallest and the steepest of those plateus. I want to go sky diving and bungee jumping. I want to travel the world and do dangerous things. I want to fly. I want to swim. I want to live as a free spirit. I want to be the punk rocker adrenaline junky that I know I am.  

      Hey every one! This is my new blog! I would like to say that this is a NO HATE ZONE! Every one is welcome. Man, Woman, LGTBA, Christian, Muslim, any one. My life isn't perfect, but who's is? I hope that you all enjoy this and I hope that you guys find it comforting, inspiring, and at least some what entertaining.

      Any way, enough rambling! I want to say that anime and manga is what keeps me going. I mean, show of hands, who else has siblings? I have three and share a room with all of them. I have a tendency to loose myself in a world that doesn't actually exist and live there for hours, laughing, crying, and being a train wreck of emotions. But I am always a train wreck. I'm weird, I'm loud, and a little bit crazy, and I'm not afraid to admit it!

       In order to express your self, in my opinion, requires you to let go of what others think about you, you can't be held back by people trying to tell you who you are, what you are, and what you're going to be. Now, I'm not saying just go and tell everyone who cares about you to fuck off. Hold on to those people and take every little thing they say as a chance to grow as a person.

        People express themselves in different ways. I personally express myself through my writing and clothing. Others express themselves through their hair, their art, and other things. All self expression stems from your soul. Don't let anyone tell you that the way you express yourself is stupid, that you are stupid, or that don't belong. To quote some one who I can't remember the name of, "The world is a puzzle. Some people spend their entire lives trying to squeeze themselves into a place where they don't fit."   Find where you fit best and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.